happy birthday love...

isn't he cute?

i am in love with this cute kid. 

so grateful he was born 26 years ago.

you're my other half matt.

i don't know what i'd do without you, and i'm grateful i'll never have to.

here's to another year of celebrating you.

happy birthday love.

home is where the heart is

nostalgia: a state of being homesick

i thought a lot today about  w h e r e  home is.  Visiting Matt's family on the east coast felt like  h o m e.  Being in Logan relaxing on my parent's couch felt like  h o m e.  And finally walking back into our little studio apartment in mapleton felt like  h o m e.  anywhere with matt is home.

home is where the heart is.

there's something special about the christmas season that brings out all that nostalgia. 

today we are officially home from our thanksgiving vacation and i've been playing catch up on work, to-do lists, and photography shoots.

but as i sat here writing my talk for my grandpa's funeral this coming saturday i was hit with a wave of emotion.  instead of looking at pictures of other people's beautiful families, today i took a good look at some of my own.

i saw pictures of christmases over the years with wrapping paper lying across grandma and grandpa's floor.  me braiding amy's hair as he lay sprawled out on the floor, all of us just plain old  h a p p y.
his hugs were normally right after he'd come in from doing some hard work on the farm, and you could feel the cold and smell the exhaust still from his jacket. 
i love him.
i miss him.

i loved seeing all the years fly before me on the computer screen. 

and i got choked up.

James Barrie once said,
"God gave us memories that we might have june roses in the decembers of our lives."

and oh did we make memories this trip!

 -i got called aunt lindsay for the first time.

-playing cards till we couldn't keep our eyes open.
-laughing so hard it hurt.

-sleeping next to the christmas tree.

-the cute pup rolo sneaking my thanksgiving dessert.
-walking downtown philly with josh and michelle.

-going to hershey park with grammy and papa.

-meeting vincent for the first time. 
-climbing trees.

-cuddles with nieces and nephews

-all the funny quotes.
-piggy backs.

- cutting down christmas trees.

-freezing in santa's workshop
-reading the journal matt's mom kept for him since he was born.

-seeing pictures of matt growing up and loving him even more.

-reb's "you're telling me you love me  a g a i n"  face. :)

-putting my handprint on the wall,officially a part of the family.

-our first christmas tree (we're on a budget ;)

-and matt and i created our first very own christmas tradition:  making ninja-bread cookies.  :) 

-our kids will love us ;) we hope...

in short today i am thankful for where i come from.  for those who raised and influenced me.  i'm thankful for Grandpa Jardine. i'm thankful for my sweet husband. i'm thankful for my sweet mother in law and father in law for raising my best friend. i don't know where i'd be without him. i'm thankful for my parents and siblings. i'm thankful for my new siblings, and their cute kids.  i wished we lived closer. i'm thankful for loved ones.  i'm thankful for home. 

and we'll see you there soon enough grandpa.

i will rise

earlier this week matt and i went to a CES holiday dinner for his work.  while there, we got to listen to a performance of this song.  

i haven't been able to get it out of my head all week.  

i love the lyrics.

hope it makes your day.

side by side

a few nights ago on my emergency room shift i met a couple who made my night.  though policies prevent me from sharing details, i wanted to share what they taught me.  

note:not actual patients/couple

have you ever seen the movie up? well this cute old man i swear was his twin.  thick glasses, defensive personality and all. i mean g r u m p y! he came in late one evening protectively watching over his wife.  she wasn't doing well and the triage nurse took her straight back. i asked if he could help me check her in (policy, normally patients are checked in first, but her needs were so immediate the nurse and i were multitasking) to which he replied, 

"no. i want to be with my wife." and slipped away into the room.

i sat there for a few minutes and debated at how to approach this.  i  n e e d e d  to get his wife checked in.  but i didn't want to ruin his night by doing so. 

i poked my head in the room and explained that the  b e s t  way for him to help her would be to get her checked in so the hospital employees could do the work they needed to. 

he fumbled through her purse trying to find the needed paperwork.  even hooked up to all the machines, she noticed his increasing frustration and pulled the bag from his hands and found the documents immediately.  
now he was  r e a l l y  frustrated.

he came to my desk, and my heart changed.  

i simply asked him, "how did the two of you meet?"

i watched as his entire demeanor started to change starting with his body language and ending with his eyes. 

"the least likely place to find an eternal companion, at a bar."he grinned.

we laughed and he slowly became somber.

he looked up at me and smiled, "now we've been sealed 44 years."
as we completed the needed paperwork and talked about all he'd learned, he finished by saying 

"n o t h i n g  worth fighting about is  e v e r  more important than your sweetheart."

i told him i would never forget it, that i was finished and could show him back to his. 

he walked into her room and held his sweetheart through their long night.

i walked out smiling and thinking about mine.

Empty Jar

“My wife often cans peaches and pears in the fall. A great deal of work is necessary just to prepare the fruit. Then, once it is prepared, she puts it into jars, places the seals on, twists the lids tightly into place, and sets the jars in boiling water. Then she waits for the seals to set.

She has performed this operation dozens of times with hundreds of jars. In all that time I have never seen her seal an empty jar. Unless the jar is loaded with fruit, a seal is not placed. I doubt if anyone, among the thousands who can fruit every year, has ever sealed an empty jar. There must be something to preserve or the seal has no significance. 

The sealing of temple covenants is similar. When we are married at the altars of the temple, the Lord, from one point of view, gives us an empty jar. Then he instructs us to fill it with the wonderful fruits of righteous marriage. We fill it with love and compromise and forgiveness and joy and peace and shared trails; we fill it with all the things of life, all the good fruit. As we keep our covenants, returning often to renew them as we work for the dead, the jar begins to fill. As we grow older and our love deepens, we desire to preserve forever all the good we have stored. 

Our abiding in the covenant allows the Lord to place the seal on our covenant relationship and preserve the fruits of our righteousness for all eternity. This is the same for all temple covenants. Nobody seals an empty jar; neither does the Lord seal empty covenants. First there must be fruit to preserve.

In the temple, you were given an empty jar as a present. Eternal marriages are not made at the altar. They are made by the things that you will do together and for each other every day thereafter. May you spend your lifetime filling your jar with all of the sweet things of your life together."

Chapters and changes

Did you ever wake up one morning of your every day life routine and realize you're at a stage of life you've looked forward to for years? 

That happened to me this morning.

Husband leaned down in a shirt and tie and kissed my sleepy forehead goodbye as he left for the day.

As I rolled over to catch another hour of sleep, a wave of emotion hit me.  I've never been happier.

I remember my first day of kindergarten.  Mom fluffed up my 90's bangs as I ran through the front door to catch the school bus with all the big kids.  I remember looking at them and thinking how excited I was to be like them.  For years I had played 'school' with my sisters and we giggled with fake 'homework' assignments, excited to learn and progress like the big kids.  

That chapter had come in my life. 

New chapters followed:  

When I owned my first giga-pet :)
My first sleepover.
When I turned 8 and was baptized. 
The first time I was able to walk to the store by myself.
When I started middle school.
When I wore makeup for the first time.
My first high school football game.
My first dance.
Graduation.
My first day living in my own apartment.  
My first ambulance run.
My first day on the mission.
The day I flew home.
Being sealed to my best friend.

Now I look forward to starting our own family someday, and continuing to have all our firsts together.

I was overwhelmed this morning though with a different concept. 

 Joy in today.

I'm so grateful for parents who taught me to not be so consumed in looking forward to the next chapter that I'm not loving today. They taught me to also look backward and appreciate where you've been.  Recognize the example you are for others.  But more than anything, to take a good look at today.  To enjoy where I am and how excited I've been to get here. 

Today, I am so incredibly happy.

Love you Hub.

-Wifey

best friend

I woke up this morning and checked my email to do a few things for work.  While it was loading I made myself some apple butter toast. :) Matt and I are addicted now.  You will be too.  Cracker Barrel changed us.

When I flipped to a news-feed I found multiple articles challenging the existence of God.  This one in particular.  The arguer expressed some powerful opinions that I'm sure many round the world were nodding their heads to.  He went on to express that there was no God, that deity was a fiction that people ignorant to science and facts came up with to satisfy their need to understand.

I felt a knot in my stomach and wondered why.  I've heard many express their opinions before and I don't take offense to any.  I know maybe some reading this or many close to me don't believe all the same things I do.  I love you all the same, no matter the ground we stand on.

But what hit me so deeply was wondering how my life would be different without this man.  I could no sooner deny the existence of my Savior than I could my own mother.  I cannot and will not deny the life and message of my best friend, after He has been there so much for me.  I know faith can sound like a foolish thing.  But it is not ignorance.  It's not something I made up.  It's something I found in my searching.  By years of asking questions, pondering, and researching.  I love science.  I crave to learn constantly.  But to me it proves nothing more than the existence of a higher being. 

I look back at my life and my challenges, however small they may be compared to those of others going through more than me.  Regardless, there are some mornings He is my motivator to get out of bed.  In my darkest moments where no other soul has been with me, He was there.  And whenever the future seems hard to bear, He is in it.

He is my anchor.

He gives me the peace I need every day.

He gives me hope.

He gives me eyes to see the good in every day.

He is my best friend.

He is yours.

And I could never deny that I KNOW He exists.  

Time

Today we've been married a month.
I know to the passerby that is hardly any time at all.  But who can judge time?  
Brother McDermed from my mission used to say, "Time is the only thing that keeps everything from happening all at once."
I personally believe Heavenly Father created time to ease this test called life for us.  He knew we couldn't handle all the hardship and growth at once, so He spread it out.  And He knew we couldn't fully appreciate the deep joys of life all in one moment, so he spaced them as well. 

But I believe somethings time doesn't touch.  Some are timeless.

I married you forever. 

This past month is just the beginning Matty G.  We've had some high highs, some low lows, and so many new chapters and experiences together.  And they will only continue everyday.

My favorite memories of the day:

The note you left on my car this morning.

Talking on the phone between jobs & school.

Seeing you 'apparate' when you came bursting in the door.  Haha. You always make me laugh.

Taking me to work.

Letting me wear your jacket because it was raining.

Dinner at Outback till we were stuffed.

Anniversary FHE.

Seeing our blessings.

And after hours of homework, laughing so hard you fell off the bed.

Life has never been better.

Happy One Month Anniversary Love :)

Dear Husband

BIF,
I'm laying here on our Indian-print couch at home.  I just finished all my morning errands and you've been on my mind.  

Today our busy lives pick up again and we will be involved in so many good worthwhile things throughout the week.  I am so proud of you and how hard you work.  But the thing I love most about it is you do every step with a smile on your face.
You make me laugh and smile more than anyone else in the world.  

You're my best friend. 
And I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be married to you.
Don't forget I love you.
Have a good day. :)

-Gifford

"Each of us has a fourfold responsibility. First, we have a responsibility to our families. Second, we have a responsibility to our employers. Third, we have a responsibility to the Lord’s work. Fourth, we have a responsibility to ourselves."

-Gordon B. Hinckley

For someone having a rough day.....

A while back when I was having a rough day, one of my sister missionaries told me to watch this video.  I love the lyrics,  "I had it all mapped out in front of me,  Knew just where I wanted to go; 
But life decided to change my plans, 
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road. 

I knew there was no way over it, 
So I searched for a way around; 
Brokenhearted I started climbin', 
And at the top I found... 

Every fear, every doubt, 
All the pain I went through; 
Was the price that I paid to see this view; 
And now that I'm here I would never trade... 
 
I never dreamed my heart would make it, 
I thought about turning around; 
But heaven has shown me miracles, 
I never would have seen from the ground. 

Now I take the rain with the sunshine, 
Cause there's one thing that I know; 
He picks up the pieces, 
Along each broken road. 

Every fear, every doubt, 
All the pain I went through; 
Was the price that I paid to see this view; 
And now that I'm here I would never trade... 

The grace that I feel, 
And the faith that I find; 
Through the bitter-sweet tears, 
And the sleepless nights. 

I used to pray he'd take it all away, 
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak. " Perspective changes everything. For someone having a rough day, keep your chin up.... Alma 26:27 Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success. 

Wednesdays

Most people don't look forward to wednesdays.  Wednesday can be that ugly day in the middle of the week signifying you're barely half-way through.  However, Wednesdays are some of my absolute favorite days.  :) Reason being, I work at an incredible facility called the missionary training center.  Every Wednesday the parking lot is extra full, and as I'm walking in to work I remember why.  Proud parents stand embracing their now-grown child for a 'see you later' that will change their lives.  They trust their children to Heavenly Father's hands as they see them eye to eye for the last time in 1 1/2 to 2 years.  You forget how long that really is until it's you.

The thing that I'm lucky enough to see every week that parents, family, friends, and loved ones miss after that goodbye is where those missionaries go.  It's not a black abiss, though on the other side it can sometimes feel that way.  They come to us.  And we get the incredible blessing of helping them struggle, learn, and grow for the next few months before they hit the field worldwide.  We get the tremendous, sacred responsibility of being a sort of first parent away from the incredible parents they just said goodbye to.  We get to be Heavenly Father's hands in helping them gain their footing in their newfound special calling.  And they become a part of the family in your heart forever.

Well, today is Wednesday. :) And today 5 elders and 4 sisters will become my new family.  I love looking out my window and watching the embraces, knowing soon they'll be walking through the doors to the other side of this incredible journey! :)

I absolutely cannot wait to meet them.

To moms and dads..... I promise we will take good care of them. 

I promise HE will take good care of them. :)

Hasta ver!

Our First Home

   Just wanted to say thank you to all who have helped us get to where we are today.  We are so grateful for the many blessings we have.  Life has never been better! Here are a few quick photos of married life thus far.  Mostly our first home for those who wanted to see it.  Love you all!

  

 Honeymoonin' :)I was pretty sick but I love this picture of Matt.  Being married to him is such a blessing.  He really is the best guy I know. 

    We have a washer and dryer! :) No more laundromats!

                      Our kitchen

 Dining Table, and our 'Memory Jar'... now just got to finish hanging things on walls!

                              Entry

                          Bedroom

                           Bathroom

                           Vanity

               Thank you Thank you

                            Bookshelf

                      Our rockin awesome couches! :) Eventually we'll cover them, but in the mean time they remind me of New Mexico! I love our new home :) 

                     Before shots... Moving in...

                     My sweet husband


Overall we are incredibly happy and excited for the great memories ahead! Life has never been better.