And so I fully believed that the day that little babe of mine left my tummy and came into the world, motherly confidence was just part of the package deal.
Right?
Eeeerrrr...... Wrong.
At least for me.
No one ever told me I would second-guess every decision. And I would constantly feel like I wasn't the mother that I wanted to be.
It's taken me almost 3 months though to realize that I am in control of most of it and it's something that I can work on.
My goals and advice
1- let yourself evolve as a mom.
Stop trying to be a second rate version of some other perfect mom, and instead let yourself shine out. Be a first-rate version of you. Example: I know, and have tried to be like, many a mom who when their little babe is crying out of hunger they are trying to calm and comfort them with every bit of energy they have while fixing a bottle or preparing to feed them. I felt bad for giggling when Avery does her funny fart and cry at the same time. And then I realized crying is her only way of communicating her hunger to me. And I AM fixing a bottle to feed her to comfort her. A little smiling and laughing life isn't always a bad thing. I decided to let some other persons rulebook go and just be me.
2- spend one on one time.
Because of our living circumstances around so much loving family and friends we are around a lot of people almost all the time. Which isn't a bad thing. But one-on-one time as a mommy is important. I'm learning it's okay to shut the doors and just have a date with my little baby girl.
3- be confident in your little decisions
How can you be confident in general if you aren't confident in the little things? Funny I never saw that before today. Wowza. Be confident in your decisions for bedtime. What's acceptable and it's not. If you want to allow person to hold them. What you think they need. Or what's bothering them. If you're in the wrong, well then you're wrong. Don't be afraid to admit it and move forward. But this isn't about right and wrong. It's about learning to trust yourself. I trusted other people so much and myself so little that I let others be the confident ones and just kind of catered to them.
4- spend extra, different, time with Heavenly Father.
HE has complete confidence in you as a mama. He hand guided that little babe into your arms. And he trusts you with it. I'm learning that spending a little bit more time listening to him, even on paper, helps erase things like doubt more than anything else.
5 – rejuvenate.
It's hard to feel confident in, and fully love, being a mama if you are absolutely depleted in every way. this is where it's okay to ask for help. it's OK to have a babysitter or helping hand once in a while, consistently, in order to do a few things to rejuvenate for yourself like shower, eat a good meal, sleep, get out, exercise, feel pretty, or do something you love. your little baby deserves the BEST you. and so do you. you will be a better mama and happier with yourself if you do this.
6- let yourself be the one to comfort him or her when they're crying.
One of the hardest things for me has been seeing her cry with me, and the second someone else picks her up to comforter or to try she calms down. It eats at me sometimes. But I'm learning one, to not take it too personally. And two, to gently thank, but go somewhere private to practice comforting her on my own.
7-cuddle.
It may sound dumb. But I have found few things are more precious than cuddling my little babe. And few things are more healing to my confidence as a mother. If yours is a go-er and a do-er, and not much of a cuddler, wait till they are asleep. and maybe one naptime once in a while just hold them rather than running around to get other things done with your few moments of spare time. It is what life is about, and it's a good opportunity to slow down and see and feel it. I really am her mama. She is different than any other baby to me. And I hope she feels different with me than any other woman.
8- get down on their level.
See the world a little bit more to their eyes. Which takes looking into them a little bit more often.
I am far from where I want to be, and can use any other advice others have to offer. but I'm working on these. And I hope this helps some momma out there to realize she is not alone, or doing something wrong. It gets better every day.
I love that little nugget and I'm so grateful she's my little nugget.
And now I'm gonna let ya go so I can go squeeze her.
