Motherly confidence: how to gain it

Motherly confidence. You see it in every TV commercial. On church benches. From your own friends, family, and loved ones. And heck, it's all over Pinterest. Pictures of confident, happy mamas and their beautiful smiling babes. Or even when their littles are crying, you see strong confident moms comforting them or teaching them the lesson they need in that moment.

And so I fully believed that the day that little babe of mine left my tummy and came into the world, motherly confidence was just part of the package deal.

Right?

Eeeerrrr...... Wrong.

At least for me.

No one ever told me I would second-guess every decision. And I would constantly feel like I wasn't the mother that I wanted to be.

It's taken me almost 3 months though to realize that I am in control of most of it and it's something that I can work on.

My goals and advice 

1- let yourself evolve as a mom.

Stop trying to be a second rate version of some other perfect mom, and instead let yourself shine out. Be a first-rate version of you. Example: I know, and have tried to be like, many a mom who when their little babe is crying out of hunger they are trying to calm and comfort them with every bit of energy they have while fixing a bottle or preparing to feed them. I felt bad for giggling when Avery does her funny fart and cry at the same time. And then I realized crying is her only way of communicating her hunger to me. And I AM fixing a bottle to feed her to comfort her. A little smiling and laughing life isn't always a bad thing. I decided to let some other persons rulebook go and just be me.

2- spend one on one time.

Because of our living circumstances around so much loving family and friends we are around a lot of people almost all the time. Which isn't a bad thing. But one-on-one time as a mommy is important. I'm learning it's okay to shut the doors and just have a date with my little baby girl. 

3- be confident in your little decisions

How can you be confident in general if you aren't confident in the little things? Funny I never saw that before today. Wowza. Be confident in your decisions for bedtime. What's acceptable and it's not. If you want to allow person to hold them. What you think they need. Or what's bothering them. If you're in the wrong, well then you're wrong. Don't be afraid to admit it and move forward. But this isn't about right and wrong. It's about learning to trust yourself. I trusted other people so much and myself so little that I let others be the confident ones and just kind of catered to them. 

4- spend extra, different, time with Heavenly Father.

HE has complete confidence in you as a mama. He hand guided that little babe into your arms. And he trusts you with it. I'm learning that spending a little bit more time listening to him, even on paper, helps erase things like doubt more than anything else.

5 – rejuvenate. 

It's hard to feel confident in, and fully love, being a mama if you are absolutely depleted in every way. this is where it's okay to ask for help. it's OK to have a babysitter or helping hand once in a while, consistently, in order to do a few things to rejuvenate for yourself like shower, eat a good meal, sleep, get out, exercise, feel pretty, or do something you love. your little baby deserves the BEST you. and so do you. you will be a better mama and happier with yourself if you do this.

6- let yourself be the one to comfort him or her when they're crying.

One of the hardest things for me has been seeing her cry with me, and the second someone else picks her up to comforter or to try she calms down. It eats at me sometimes. But I'm learning one, to not take it too personally. And two, to gently thank, but go somewhere private to practice comforting her on my own.

7-cuddle.

It may sound dumb. But I have found few things are more precious than cuddling my little babe. And few things are more healing to my confidence as a mother. If yours is a go-er and a do-er, and not much of a cuddler, wait till they are asleep. and maybe one naptime once in a while just hold them rather than running around to get other things done with your few moments of spare time.  It is what life is about, and it's a good opportunity to slow down and see and feel it. I really am her mama. She is different than any other baby to me. And I hope she feels different with me than any other woman.

8- get down on their level.

See the world a little bit more to their eyes. Which takes looking into them a little bit more often.

I am far from where I want to be, and can use any other advice others have to offer. but I'm working on these. And I hope this helps some momma out there to realize she is not alone, or doing something wrong. It gets better every day. 

I love that little nugget and I'm so grateful she's my little nugget.

And now I'm gonna let ya go so I can go squeeze her.

Two month aves

Eyelashes that could stab you in the face

 

Sweet smiles all day long

 Big blue eyes

Piggy snorts

Head rocking back and forth trying to take everything in but in reality taking nothing

Hair turning a reddish brown

She giggles now. But only when she's in the mood. And only a few chuckles.

Always picking the lint from her clenched fists

Chews on any fabric 

She's figured out how to use the G sound and the D sound and likes to use them as often as she can

Sittin in her Bumbo chair

Can say the word 'yeah'

Sleeps in a room all by herself, from 11 PM to 6 AM
couldn't ask for a better babe

 

One month peeps!

One month old Avery Jane

 

- can hold up her head

- hates socks

- quivers her chin
-loves finding herself in mirrors

 

-was baby Jesus for the Christmas party

- has LONG eyelashes

- has man burps

- loves Christmas lights

 

- knows mommy and daddy
-normally sleeps from 11pm to 5am
-loves head rubs

- is curious

 

- squeaks

- loves the color red
-is ticklish on her neck and in her armpits

- loves to cuddle

-is getting chubby

- is full of smiles

- still can't laugh

oh how we have loved every minute of the last month

My best friend

I love Matt because 

-he makes me want to be better

-he is always trying to put a smile on someone's face. Even if it's by doing the goofiest accent noise or face he can think of

-he sees the best in everyone. Even the people most others give up on. 

-he never judges me

-he is a wonderful father. He never complains and is always eager to spend time with and love Avery.

- our giggle fits. He can make me laugh like no one else can. 

-how much he loves the gospel. He has such a good heart and is giving his all to being his very best. 

-he's so patient. I'm a crazy girl full of emotions and tears at times, but he never gives up on me and cares enough to try and understand me.

-how good and right everything feels when I'm with him. 

-he goes to a job he doesn't love to provide for a family that he does.

-because Heavenly Father lets me see glimpses of the Matt he sees. 

Happy birthday love. I'm so grateful you picked me.

holding each other a little closer

The holidays themselves make me nostalgic and a little more appreciative of the blessings I have. But never more than this year.

Matt's birthday is December 16th, and I've been planning for a few weeks a little weekend getaway for the three of us. Having his birthday so close to Christmas, he asked if we could just do some service for his birthday rather than focusing on more presents (love him). 

I coordinated it all. I service scavenger hunt, kidnapping him to dc, a temple trip, and meeting up with one of his best friends little family, and helping someone who really needed it. 

Plans changed.

Avery and I came out to work with him yesterday so we could leave from there and shave off half an our of the drive time. She was my little buddy Christmas shopping all morning, and it came time to meet Matt for lunch. 

We hopped back in our little car from the magical world of target and headed down the busy 5 lane road to his work.

As I was driving between 40-45mph when a car in the right lane (I was in the left) apparently slowed down to let someone pull out, who I guess was trying to cross all lanes of traffic to turn left, and was completely unaware of me and all the traffic coming behind me in both lanes. The car bolted into my lane yards ahead of me and there was no way to dodge it. One of those slow motion heart wrenching moments. If I hadn't of swerved we would have hit it head on. 

I screamed and swerved into the suicide lane (which amazingly was clear) but I couldn't avoid the impact and the drivers side of our car smashed launching me to the left into oncoming traffic, that was headed straight for Avery's door. By some miracle there was a gap in the traffic and I hurried back into the suicide lane before we were hit again.

I called the cops and Matt and managed to remain my composure. Paramedic mode helped. We pulled to a parking lot and a firetruck and ambulance came to check us out. 

Just as the ambulance got there, Matt came up to me (he walked from his work) and gave me a hug I will never forget. We watched Avery for signs of shaken baby syndrome and all I found on me was a smashed knee. The paramedics reminded us of how lucky we were. Traffic was horrible. They could hardly get there. Yet we were blessed my that window of a break in traffic in the oncoming lane. 

We were skaken up but okay. 

Talking to my dad let it sink in. The day before my aunt had given him a blanket she made to give to Avery when they come out for Christmas. After meeting with her and finishing work he left to go to the dentist. He showed up first on a scene of an accident identical to ours, with even a slower speed limit. The girl involved was in her early twenties and had her face filleted open. He calmed her, stayed with her, and used the blanket to stop the bleeding. We have all been praying she made it and is okay. 

We are all holding each other a little closer today. 

Happy Friday the 13th

okay to cry

i learned a lesson today that i couldn't have learned any other way. 

my sweet daughter was down for a nap and my window had come.  i had to hurry to decide what to do with my window of freedom.  should i hurry to fold yesterday's clean laundry sitting in our room before it wrinkles (too late)? should i finish off a client's photography task? should i sleep? should i shower?
one look in the mirror and i made my decision: shower.

i checked that she was alright and quickly grabbed some clean clothes and hurried to the bathroom.  just as i got the shampoo pasted to the crown of my head... she cried.

it started as a whimper, but with every bubble as the suds grew thicker in my hair, her cry grew louder.

normally, living in a house with our in-laws meant that someone else would come running.  but today, it was me + my lil' babe.  and i couldn't have learned this lesson any other way.

as her cry grew louder, my urge to run to her (even if i wasn't clothed and with sudsy hair) grew stronger.   she was in her little bassinet.  she couldn't go anywhere.  she was crying pretty loud (clearly she could breathe).  she was safe.  she was warm.  she was just hungry.

the more i thought about it, the more calm i felt. there are times when i wonder if my prayers are being answered.  but the feeling that washed over me made any shadow of doubt disappear.  I've never been more sure. 

i calmed down and hurried to finish showering, excited to pick her up and soothe her, but knowing she was okay.  after the conditioner was gone from my hair + i was again clothe-covered, i went across the hall to our room and lil' babe.  i tried talking to her, but at first she couldn't hear me she was crying so loud.  her wide eyes found mine + her crying instantly stopped.  as my arms came around her she smiled so big it made the one alligator tear streaming down her face look completely out of place.

i couldn't help but think of how applicable it all was.  i've never seen her look at me that way because i've never let her really cry before.  the second she wimpers, i solve anything she needs.  but i would never have had such a tender moment as i did with her today nor seen her love so clearly without the contrast. 

i believe sometimes Heavenly Father LETS us cry, so we can feel more clearly his arms around us when they come.  knowing that we are safe and out of harms way.  and how often are we crying so hard that we can't hear his soft voice trying to soothe us until he can come?

i love that little bundle of baby so very very much.  i'm overwhelmed with this feeling of excitement at her growth and learning.  and there is nothing so comforting as that look in her eyes: she KNOWS i love her.

i can only wonder, how much does He love me?

motherhood

I'm still adjusting to the realization that this is my tiny human. She trusts me and her daddy with everything, to guide her, teach her, take care of her, all of it. I'm amazed at her confidence in us. I'm learning to have that confidence in myself. It's a slow but sure process. But I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. How did i ever live life without her?