the big picture

i've spent a lot of time feeling lazy + restless lately.
a lot of time in my p.j.'s, doing what i can to work from home.
morning sickness has made me feel like i have 1/2 the energy and 2x's the amount to do.
i feel behind on about everything... probably even texting or calling you back.  (though my phone is missing, and so is my mind some days)
i feel like i'm making excuses (though i'm not) but i keep feeling like i have a flu bug that should be  g o n e by now.  that i should be able to just  f e e l  better and have the energy to run like i used to.

after weeks and weeks, and stress building up from unmet expectations, someone changed my perspective.

i recently transferred departments at the MTC.  I've moved from training young missionaries to training in the Senior/Mission President department.  currently i'm working with 3 sweet mission president's wives going to Mexico City, Nicaragua, and Argentina. i was meeting with one of them the other day,  and though i was meant to teach  h e r.  she taught and strengthened me more than i can say.

i'm giving life, to a little teeny tiny best friend i have yet to meet. 

she helped me to see that is no small thing.

for years i've pushed myself with learning, an education, jobs, and lofty dreams.  

i wanted to show heavenly father how grateful i am for the blessings i have.

to be born with so many privileges and freedoms.  

i felt it would be a shame to waste them and not push myself.

but somewhere along the line, i tipped the scale.

 what could be more important than sharing those blessings with my little one?

than helping them to live life to its fullest, and to share that with others.

to help this little one reach  t h e i r  potential.

my perspective is changing. 

i've always wanted to be a good mom.

but now it's finally become my main focus.

and that is O K.

in fact, it's what heavenly father intended.

so bring on the morning sickness.

my spirit is back.

photos by: amber lynn photography and alyssia b photography.  they are some of my greatest friends and their work is  d r e a m y.  i can't thank them enough for all their support.

hello little one

ldsjournal.com

hello little one.

as i pat my belly, i feel like i'm meeting you for the first time.

how quickly heavenly father answers prayers.  

the day after that blessing... i felt... different.  emotionally i felt so much closer to you.

about half way through the day, i realized the math and took a pregnancy test.  it came back as a 'maybe'.  that stinking little line was so faint, i almost thought i was imagining it.  i paced around, thought about the what if's, and gave myself the 'nah..... that can't be possible' pep talk.  

your cute daddy came home, and just as he walked through the door i thrust that little white stick at his face and asked him what he thought it was trying to say.  he laughed, a little squeamish.  we determined it wasn't a yes, but it wasn't a no.  that little 'maybe stick' got us excited, and hopeful that you were near.  

your daddy held me close that night.

the next morning, he kissed me awake to say goodbye, and said 'be pregnant!' before walking out the door for work and school. 

i shot awake, and remembered about the 'maybe stick'.  as i tried another test, it came back the same.  stinking maybes.  i decided i wouldn't be able to focus on anything until i   k n e w.  

so i swung by walgreens on the way to work, and passed the maybe sticks, and grabbed a for  s u r e  stick on my way out.  

half way through work when the test finished, the word  p r e g n a n t  stared up at me and my life changed forever.  i had a grin from earlobe to earlobe.  i couldn't stop shaking.  how fitting it is that i found out at the MTC.  the same building where your daddy and i met, and where he proposed to me months later.  it's sacred ground to us.  i held that little test with that special word in my pocket all day.  i had to remember that it was real.  you are real.  you are ours.

as soon as work finished i practically ran to campus to meet daddy for dinner.  i saw his face in a lone booth across the wilkinson center and criss-crossed through tables to get to him.  he caught my eye and the world fell away.  we're parents now! he gave me the strongest, biggest hug and i showed him the test without anyone else seeing.  he hugged me tighter.  my knees have never felt so weak. 

we can't stop thinking and talking about names, how life has and will change, and how right it feels to have you in our home.  

you're ours, sweet baby.  and we can't wait to meet you.

love,

mom

new life

anyone else feel their soul lighting up with every snowflake melting? 

spring is just around the corner.

you can feel the weight of winter falling of your shoulders, 

and new life and energy with every sun flare.

i love going for walks like this one and seeing the sun peek through the trees and the ice drip as it melts.

we got to do some pictures for Alyssia B Photography.  her work is absolutely stunning! 

we felt a little giddy about the important announcement we'd like to make.

the three of us in this picture

we couldn't be more thrilled.

we can't wait to meet you little one.

thanks alyssia